Membership Committee & bylaws of the order
Membership Committee Review
All applications will face the merciless scrutiny of the highly esteemed, frequently inebriated, and entirely self-appointed Membership Committee. These illustrious connoisseurs of Irish mischief, questionable decisions, and copious Guinness consumption will pore over your answers and video submissions with an eagle eye for creativity, humor, and a healthy dose of debauchery potential.
Be warned: the committee reserves the right to:
- Laugh at you (and with you).
- Deliver brutally honest feedback on your dance moves (spoiler: it probably involves the word “tragic”).
- Judge your video with a cocktail of wit, sarcasm, and just enough whiskey-fueled bravado to keep things interesting.
Only those who survive this rigorous (and wildly subjective) process will earn a coveted spot at the most notorious St. Patrick’s Day lunch of the year.
Good luck – you’ll need more than a four-leaf clover for this one!
Article I: Membership
- Eligibility: Only those deemed worthy (or outrageous) enough by the Membership Committee shall be granted membership into the Prestigious Order of Shamrock Shenanigans
- Attendance: Once accepted, members are required to attend the St. Patrick’s Day Lunch unless they can provide a note from their doctor, their parole officer, or a convincing leprechaun.
- Black Marbles: Any member who fails to attend after being accepted will be awarded a Black Marble of Shame and will be required to carry it to all future events until another member commits a greater act of disgrace. Please note: Black Marbles can be awarded to multiple members if necessary.
Article II: Rules of Engagement
- No Early Departures: Members are forbidden from leaving the event before the Official Shamrock Toast at the end of the festivities. Attempting to leave early will result in an immediate award of the Black Marble.
- Green Dress Code: All members must wear something green. Any failure to comply will result in a mandatory application of green body paint by the other members. No exceptions.
- Alcohol Consumption: Members are expected to partake in copious quantities of Creamy Fuckin Pints (CFPs) aka. Guinness. Those caught with a chardonnay or soft drink in hand will be fined in the form of a toast or dance performance for the group.
- Leprechaun Law: If a member claims to be a leprechaun or finds one, they must buy a round for the table and share the leprechaun’s pot of gold.
Article III: Traditions & Rituals
- The Opening Toast: The meeting officially begins with the ceremonial Opening Toast, led by one of the founding members oldest member.
- Joke of the Day: Each member must come prepared with a joke, limerick, or tale of mischief to share with the group. Failing to amuse the crowd will result in the mandatory telling of a deeply embarrassing personal story by your nominating member.
- The Dance Off: At any point during the lunch, a member may challenge another to an Irish dance-off. Refusal to participate will result in the challenger selecting a “punishment” – usually in the form of a shot or a serenade to the table.
Article IV: Penalties & Punishments
- Failure to Attend: As previously mentioned, any accepted member who fails to attend will be awarded a Black Marble of Shame. This marble is to be displayed at all future events until another member fails to attend or until the Marble Holder performs a dance, song, or other act deemed worthy of redemption by the Membership Committee.
- Drink Spillage: Anyone who spills their drink must immediately perform a dramatic Irish jig, sing “Danny Boy” with feeling, or recite an impromptu poem about their love for Guinness.
- Unacceptable Behaviour: Any member caught being overly serious, or generally unfunny will be given the Penalty Potato. The holder of the Penalty Potato must bring it to the next event and publicly declare, “I solemnly swear to be uphold the values of Not-so-Holy Order of Shamrock Shenanigans.” Following this they must sing Whiskey in the jar – Metallica version
- Multiple Black Marbles: In the event of any member accumulating 3 Black Marbles, membership will be immediately revoked, dignity questioned, and a new application will be required for the next meeting. Begging and bribery may be accepted at the sole discretion of the Membership Committee.
Article V: The Membership Committee
- Committee Powers: The Membership Committee has absolute power to grant or revoke membership, assign penalties, or demand dance performances from any member at any time. Their decisions are final, even when influenced by alcohol.
- Committee Meetings: The Committee will meet at the beginning of each event to discuss potential new members, review the Black Marble situation, and decide who’s buying the first round.
Article VI: Annual Awards
- The Shamrock Star Award: Presented to the member who demonstrates the most Irish spirit, humour, and participation throughout the event.
- The Blarney Award: Given to the member who delivers the best (or most outrageous) tall tale during the lunch.
- The Leprechaun Loser Award: Awarded to the member who made the worst attempt at an Irish dance, toast, or joke. The winner must wear a hat that says “Leprechaun Loser” for the remainder of the event.
Article VII: The Order Motto
“If it's not green, drunk or causing trouble it's not welcome here!”
Article VIII: Amendments
- Proposal of Amendments: Any member may propose an amendment to these bylaws by raising their glass and shouting, “I have an idea!” The Membership Committee will then promptly ignore them until they buy another round.
- Approval: All amendments must be approved by a unanimous nod of heads from the Membership Committee, or failing that, by a coin toss, arm wrestle, or skolling contest.